You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize