I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
