He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
