So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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