well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
