Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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