Got a toothbrush?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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