Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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