i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
