loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
