Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(432): View more from Texas

TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!

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(203): View more from Connecticut

i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.

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(303): View more from Colorado

and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster

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(779): View more from Illinois

Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us

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(334): View more from Alabama

Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?

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(410): View more from Maryland

I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole

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(973): View more from New Jersey

I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?

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(337): View more from Louisiana

Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.

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(240): View more from Maryland

are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?

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