Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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