so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I look better un-naked...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
