Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
