I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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