why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize