I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
