i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
