My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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