Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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