My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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