If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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