i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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