ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
