My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
