hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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