Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
