Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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