I'm laying in your front yard are you home
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
