You're my little dorito
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
