I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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