Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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