You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
