I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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