You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
