she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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