So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
