I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
its not stalking. its research.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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