When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
