your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
