I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
