please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
