Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
