I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
