i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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