If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
