She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
