Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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