Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
