Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
