I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
