i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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