You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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