Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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