Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
cat food counts as protein by the way
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
