I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
