I can tuck mytits in my pants
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
