I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
