she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize