Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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