He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
