so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
