At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I want to make a zoo with you.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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