It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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