also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
