A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
