she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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